this is just terrible sounding

[Jem]

Apparently, women who have given birth and who have had kidney stones say that passing a stone is much more painful.

I've had a kidney stone and I can confirm that it's absolute f*cking agony. So much so that when the male nurse stuck a painkiller up my a*se without so much as a "hello" I actually thanked him.

My face looked like this -  :shock:

[Trapezium Artist]

Apparently, women who have given birth and who have had kidney stones say that passing a stone is much more painful.

I've had a kidney stone and I can confirm that it's absolute f*cking agony. So much so that when the male nurse stuck a painkiller up my a*se without so much as a "hello" I actually thanked him.

My face looked like this -  :shock:

Nothing like excruciating pain to unite people  

While I was waiting for the painkillers to work their magic in hospital, I tried to distract myself by working out how many other men in Berlin were having their first kidney stone that same night. Let's see if I can re-create that now.

Something like 10-15% of all adults get one and men are 4 times more likely to get one than women. So let's say it's 10% of all men. There are roughly 3.5 million people in Berlin, thus 1.75 million men; therefore, roughly 175,000 of the male population of Berlin will get a kidney stone.

Let's say for simplicity's sake that you're equally likely to get your first stone on any given day of your life (obviously untrue, but I think it all washes out statistically in the end).

Assuming an average age of 80 (for convenience) then there are about 30,000 days in your life. So, chances of you having your first stone on any given day are 1 in 30,000. But there are 175,000 men of whom this true at any given time, so 175,000/30,000 of them will have their first stone on a given day, i.e. about 6.

Splitting that evenly between day and night, then there were probably a couple of other poor buggers suffering their first kidney stone that very night in Berlin along with me. Didn't make me feel much better, to be honest ...  

Best lesson I had though was from the doctor I saw the next day. He said "The way to avoid any more kidney stones is to drink loads of fluids. But no-one ever heeds my advice, so I'll see you next time." I walked out through the door determined to prove him wrong, never wanting to see his smug chops again. And I haven't. Brilliant psychology.  

[Bokkie]

Several years ago i had my bladder examined with a tube like  camera with a diameter of 8 mm.
I never thought something like that would fit.
Just thinking about it makes me sick.

So... i will stop and read a nice book about patchwork. Because patchwork is good for the mind and the soul. And it keeps you away from drugs and alcohol and fags and musicians who have a bad influence on  your morality and taste of music.
So..go my children and patch some work!!

[Trapezium Artist]

Several years ago i had my bladder examined with a tube like  camera with a diameter of 8 mm.
I never thought something like that would fit.
Just thinking about it makes me sick.

So... i will stop and read a nice book about patchwork. Because patchwork is good for the mind and the soul. And it keeps you away from drugs and alcohol and fags and musicians who have a bad influence on  your morality and taste of music.
So..go my children and patch some work!!

Hmmm, had that done too once: it's only through that painful experience that I realised quite how misaligned the relevant sphincters are in men  :shock:

Since it's early in the day, I'll spare you all the story of how my, err, passageway was anaesthetised in preparation for the camera, although the bit where the cleaning lady wandered into the scene could be viewed as rather amusing in a Pythonesque way.

[Nellie]

Ok then. I was so traumatised by the birth of my first son that it reminds me of something out of a Stephen King novel. I had a 23 hour labour so I had to have a epidural as the pain got so bad and I was too weak to push. After he decided to make an appearance (narrowly avoiding the Dalek sucker) I remember being led to the shower leaving a trail of blood behind me.
The second one wasn't so long, only 7 hours and (again) the midwife had to break the membrane. The baby then came out so quickly and with such force I had a third degree tear. I had 2 anaesthetic injections in a very sore place and it then took the nurse over an hour to stitch my butfer back!

[Trapezium Artist]

Ok then. I was so traumatised by the birth of my first son that it reminds me of something out of a Stephen King novel. I had a 23 hour labour so I had to have a epidural as the pain got so bad and I was too weak to push. After he decided to make an appearance (narrowly avoiding the Dalek sucker) I remember being led to the shower leaving a trail of blood behind me.
The second one wasn't so long, only 7 hours and (again) the midwife had to break the membrane. The baby then came out so quickly and with such force I had a third degree tear. I had 2 anaesthetic injections in a very sore place and it then took the nurse over an hour to stitch my butfer back!

Ok, ok; I surrender, Nellie! While I maintain that the specific internal pain of a kidney stone may be outrageous, I'll freely admit that it comes nowhere near the total-war, blood-and-guts, shock-and-awe carnage of childbirth which you experienced.

Something similar happened with our first child, our daughter. It all started off very calmly and nicely in a Hebammenpraxis (a midwife practice, i.e. a welcoming non-hospital place where you can give birth supported just by midwives), but our daughter managed to get stuck with her head turned sideways. After an hour or two of failing to get her properly lined up, there was a mad dash for an ambulance and off to a nearby hospital, where the Dalek lived.

Plenty of pulling and bloody tearing of my wife later, out came our daughter, somewhat squashed looking, I think it'd be fair to say. A general anaesthetic was then administered to my wife, remnant bits of placenta removed in a fairly uncompromising manner, and stitching followed: I was left holding the baby, literally.

Anyway, when we were expecting our second child, we dutifully attended prenatal classes again, but listened to the warm-fluffy-pink-everything-will-be-lovely propaganda spun by the midwife through a whole new pair of spectacles. Indeed, when we dared to mention in class that people ought at least to be prepared for the possibility that things might proceed in a slightly more brutal manner, the midwife took us aside and politely asked us to shut up  :shock:

I do wonder quite how many women (or men, for that matter) would go through with it if they  knew in advance quite how, err, primeval the whole thing really is  

Then again, we did it twice and almost 10 years down the road we're 200% certain that it was all worthwhile. (Ask me again in another 5 years though  :lol: )

[DannySoisSage]

I have had a kidney stone and it was NOT pleasant. However, there weren't (m)any of the dramatics of childbirth which is I think what makes it much worse overall; none of the copious amounts of bodily fluids pissing all over the place, no tongs or dalek suckers, no stitching or stretch marks (you can only hope not!) and no duty to care for the resulting lump in such shabby circumstances.

 :shock:

[Nellie]

On a happy note re childbirth......I'm NEVER doing that again! :lol:

[Trapezium Artist]

On a happy note re childbirth......I'm NEVER doing that again! :lol:

Well, you should think twice about coming to Devon then: it's rural and there's so little to do of an evening, people end up being very, err, interested in exploring their fecundity.

Of course, as an alternative, you could make sure and get broadband and spend your evenings on this forum. Surely an excellent contraceptive ...  

[Mouse]

Of course, as an alternative, you could make sure and get broadband and spend your evenings on this forum. Surely an excellent contraceptive ...  

So that's where I've been going wrong...  :shock:

[Nellie]

Fecund. Now there's a good word!

[Geetar]

Fecking right it is.

[Trapezium Artist]

Fecking right it is.

And so is pleonasm, particularly in the present circumstance  

[Mouse]

I've always been fond of the word lobster.  8-)

[Pedro]

I've always been fond of the word lobster.  8-)

Is that one of those annoying paper-clip-like help thingies....?

"You appear to be trying to defeat the Word-knows-more-about-formatting-than-you'll-ever-know-so-leave-the-picture-where-it-is feature...would you like some help (blink-blink)"